Stressed in Spring Hill

Dear Red, 

I’m dealing with trying to co-parent as a blended family - impossible! My husband and I did not see this coming when we were dating. We have completely different parenting styles. He’s a bit hands off, doesn’t want anyone mad at him and I’m more “in charge”. We have huge tension in the home right now!

I also think our kids are starting to resent each other. Even though our kids support our marriage, they are NOT fans of this new family situation.

I'm really worried about the long-term impact this is having on everyone. Our kids come first, of course. But I don’t want to lose connection with my husband as a result! 

Do you have any thoughts on how we can build some togetherness and understanding in our blended family? And how do we find some common ground when it comes to parenting our kids?

-Stressed in Spring Hill

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Dear Stressed in Spring Hill,

When I was in grad school I had a professor who navigated raising step-teenagers with her husband (their biological dad). This really wise, seasoned therapist who worked with families all the time basically said, “You know what made things better? They eventually moved out.” I laughed out loud at that.

I say that to let you know - I don’t think anyone has an easy-breezy blended family transition. 

I can tell there’s no lack of love in your home. Even so - the tension is building. 

I wonder if it goes like this: the more your husband avoids conflict with the kids, the more you are in the position of being “the bad guy.” I imagine after that falls out, it becomes a fight between the two of you. 

Maybe he tries to convince you that he really is an engaged parent and just doesn’t think XYZ is that big of a deal, and this enrages you - making you look even more like the bad guy.

If this is hitting the nail on the head for you - just know that’s because I’ve seen it before and you’re not alone. There are SO many couples who struggle with this specific dynamic. 

The push-pull when trying to parent just spills out to everything (marriage, tension in the home, etc). 

From an EFT lens, the real challenge isn’t just the parenting differences, but the disconnection those differences can create. When you step in to take charge, you can feel alone; when your husband hangs back, he may be trying to keep peace but it leaves you feeling unsupported. Underneath, both of you want the same thing - security for your kids and closeness with each other.

Sometimes it helps to slow down and notice the softer feelings underneath the tension - like the fear of losing connection or the worry about holding it all together. Finding little ways to turn back toward each other, or remembering the values you both care about, can create a sense of “us” in the middle of it all. And often the kids just need time and space to find their footing in this new family shape.

The fact that you’re asking these questions shows how much you care about your kids and your marriage. That’s a strong foundation to keep building on together.

If you need more, reach out! We have offices in Franklin and Brentwood - not too far from Spring Hill!

With you as you blend,
Red