Hopeful in Hendersonville

Dear Red,

My relationship has been feeling off for a while. We’re not in crisis exactly, but the connection isn’t what it used to be and it’s wearing on me. I think couples therapy could really help, but I have no idea how to bring it up.

I don’t want my partner to feel like I’m blaming them or that we’re broken. I’ve even rehearsed it in my head, but I keep putting it off. Every time I think about asking, I worry it’ll come out wrong, or worse they’ll shut down or get defensive.

How do you even begin to ask someone to go to therapy with you? Is there a “right” way to do this?

-Hopeful in Hendersonville

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Dear Hopeful in Hendersonville,

I love your question - it’s so full of care.

Wanting to ask your partner to go to couples therapy isn’t a sign something’s wrong with your relationship. It’s a sign you’re paying attention. That you’re noticing the slow fade in connection and you care enough to do something about it before the wheels fall off.

But I get it - asking can feel really loaded. You don’t want them to hear:
“You’re the problem.”
“We’re failing.”
“This is a last resort.”

So let’s talk about how to ask your partner to go to couples therapy in a way that actually builds connection - not fear.

First, try this: Lead with you, not them.

Instead of saying, “You never open up and we need help,” try something like, “I’ve been feeling a little distant lately, and I really care about us. I’d love for us to find more ways to stay connected. Would you be open to trying couples therapy together?”

This frames therapy as something you want to do with them, not to them. It’s not a punishment - it’s a resource.

Second, normalize it. A lot of people still think going to therapy means the relationship is on its last legs. But these days? More and more couples are going proactively - to build skills, deepen their bond, and keep their love strong.

You can say something like, “It doesn’t mean we’re broken. I just want to be intentional about us and our relationship.”

And finally - give them space. They might not say yes right away. That’s okay. Bring it up gently, not in the middle of an argument, and be clear that this is about growing together, not pointing fingers.

Sometimes the first “yes” is just, “I’ll think about it.”

That’s still a step forward.

So if you’re wondering how to ask your partner to go to couples therapy, here’s your answer: With honesty, with vulnerability, and with the reminder that you’re on the same team.

You’re not dragging them into therapy. You’re inviting them to stand beside you in the work. And that’s love at its best.

Cheering you on,
Red