Alone in Antioch
Dear Red,
I’m in a long-term relationship with someone I really care about. We live together, we get along okay, and from the outside, things probably look fine. But inside...I feel so lonely.
It’s hard to explain because we’re technically “together.” We share meals, we watch shows, we talk about day-to-day stuff. But I don’t feel emotionally close anymore.
Sometimes I wonder, is this just what happens after years together? Or does feeling lonely in a relationship mean something is broken?
I feel guilty even saying it. But I miss us.
- Alone in Antioch
*****
Dear Alone in Antioch,
Yes, what you’re feeling is more common than you think - and also more painful than most people admit.
Feeling lonely in a relationship might be one of the most disorienting kinds of lonely there is. You’re not alone on paper - and yet your heart feels untouched.
You’re not crazy, and you’re definitely not the only one who feels this way.
Here’s the truth: you can feel lonely in a relationship even if nothing is “wrong” on the surface. Loneliness doesn’t always come from bad behavior - it often comes from the slow fade of emotional connection.
Maybe the conversations got shallow. Maybe the stress piled up. Maybe you’ve both been surviving instead of relating. No big fight. No huge rupture. Just drift.
But the ache? That’s real.
As humans, we’re wired for emotional closeness - not just cohabitation or logistical teamwork. We want to feel felt. We want to know that someone still sees us when we walk into the room.
So what do you do when you miss your partner even though they’re sitting right next to you?
You speak to the space between you.
Start small. Not in the middle of conflict. Not with blame. But with truth.
“I miss you.”
“I feel like we’re roommates sometimes, and I want to feel close again.”
“I know life has been a lot, but I want us back.”
That conversation alone can be a turning point.
And if the distance feels hard to close? That’s what couples therapy is for. You don’t need to be in crisis to go. Sometimes the quietest loneliness is the one most worth tending to.
You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for what you were built for. Don’t ignore that signal.
With you,
Red