Hopeful in Honolulu

Dear Red,

My intellectually diverse family will be together for a week for the holidays. How can I present the idea that to get the most out of our time together, some topics might best be avoided since there are a lot of differing opinions among my family members?

I hope to set us all up for success by suggesting that we leave religion and politics out of our conversations.

If someone still insists on bringing them up, how could I gently but firmly hold my ground?

Hopeful in Honolulu

*****

Dear Hopeful in Honolulu,

It makes so much sense that you’re trying to head things off before they get messy. Reaching for connection before old patterns kick in is a good instinct.

You don’t have to make a big announcement. A simple note ahead of time - something like, “I’d really love for our time together to be about catching up and enjoying each other” usually lands better than trying to police things in the moment. It invites people in instead of shutting them down.

And if someone drifts into a touchy topic anyway? You don’t have to handle it perfectly. A quick “Hey, can we save that one for another time?” and a shift back to something lighter is enough. It’s more about tone than technique.

Do you have someone else in the family that wants the same thing? If so - maybe consider asking them to help you set the boundary and to reset it if needed. That way, you’re not the only one managing this.

You’re trying to create a calmer space for your family, and that matters - even if it’s imperfect, even if it’s awkward. That effort alone can change the feel of the holidays.

With You,
Red