Nervous in Nashville

Dear Red,

I feel like I'm at a phase in my life where I'm really struggling with who I am and where I want to be. I'm in my late 20s, and as a kid when I envisioned these years, I pictured being married, working a job I felt passionate about, and maybe even starting a family of my own. The reality couldn't be further from that - I'm in a dead end job I hate (with no relation to my degree), I'm in debt, single, and feeling really lost. My friends around me are living out what look like successful lives, careers, and marriages... and I'm just here, stagnant. To add to it, my parents keep pressuring me to move forward with my life - with seemingly no consideration to the fact that I'm trying. I feel so alone - like I'm falling behind as everyone else is moving forward. How do I come to terms with the fact that my trajectory in life may never be what I originally hoped and planned for?

Sincerely,
Nervous in Nashville

*****

Dear Nervous in Nashville,

You know that whole “if you could tell your younger self” exercise? I feel like this letter is exactly that! You are my younger self - with a few exceptions. I want to tell you, “You’re going to be great! Just wait.”

But my younger self would have said, “Easy for you to say.”

And, I do remember. I felt more lost than I wanted to admit.

I hate that we can’t get away from the societal expectations of our age. Whether that comes from your parents, peers or you - we all have a series of numbers in our mind. Mine was married by 25, nailing it professionally by 30, kids by 28. The closer I got to those ages without having achieved any of that, the more restless I felt.

Something I worry about with your generation and the generations after you is your lack of access to people breathing the same air as you. My saving grace was I was surrounded by friends at my work (at the time I was working at a fancy PR firm) - we all hated the work, but loved being together.

Millennials and Gen Z are navigating their quarter life crisis on lonely islands! Everything is online - even work. I don’t know if that’s you - but if it is, I imagine that’s just one more layer to this. You say in your letter that you’re so alone.

This doesn’t fix everything - but your letter comes at the perfect time. Two therapists on my team (Aubrey and Alyssa) just launched registration for their upcoming Quarter Life Crisis Group. It starts in May and goes for 6 weeks. It’s online (so that doesn't help the whole breathing the same air thing I said you need) - but maybe you’ll meet people that you can connect with outside the group!

The bottom line is - whatever season of life you’re in - you just can’t go it alone.

Here’s the link for the Quarter Life Crisis Group!

Don’t go alone,
Red