10 Things to Say to Your Partner to Avoid the Resentment Trap

1. "I love you." It's simple and maybe feels overdone, but when partners don't hear it, they notice. "I love you" with a look in the eyes, a small kiss at bedtime, a flirty wink - it carries a lot of weight.

2. "I appreciate when you ______." In life, we do appreciate little things, but we're so busy we forget to say it out loud. If you take time to say it, your partner feels the impact of that little move, and it's motivating to keep doing it! This is how you can get into a positive cycle with each other - the more I do this thing that makes your life easier, the more you show me how much it matters, and then I want to do more.

3. "You look so sexy when_______." If you don't take the time to flirt or bring to attention your attraction to each other, you can quickly move into a comfortable place (too comfortable!) and lose that spark.

4. "It hurts me when_____." We have to be clear about what we feel. If you move past your own relationship hurts, it'll come out sideways.

5. "I noticed you ________." If you anticipate your partner's needs and simply let them know you noticed, that helps your partner feel not alone in the harder parts of life.

6. "We used to do _______, but look at us now!" Celebrate relationship wins. Notice a time you would have gotten into a fight, but instead were able to slow down and navigate a hard time together. Maybe you got mad at the thing instead of each other! That’s is a huge win. Take time to say this out loud - it builds relationship confidence.

7. Get specific with your compliments. "The way you told that story made me laugh so hard. I love getting to be with the part of you that's so funny." That's different from "You're so funny." The more specific, the more special.

8. "I wouldn't want to do this life with anyone else." Remind your partner that you're each other's number one. Say it with genuine feeling, and it will help reassure your partner just how important they are.

9. "I'm really struggling with _______." Let your partner into your struggles - even if they're not about your relationship (work, parenting, friendships). When you confide in each other, you build trust.

10. Inside jokes are brilliant connecting moves. They bring lightness and fun to a relationship, and the fact that it's "inside" makes you feel like you have something together that no one else can be a part of (in a good way).

What happens when you try these phrases? You may notice a positive difference, or you might feel like it doesn’t move the needle at all.
Reach out if your relationship needs more than these tips. Maybe you need a deeper dive into what’s driving the disconnection. We’re here to help.
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