Enneagram and Betrayal Trauma
Today I’m recording on Jackie Brewster’s Podcast. She’s an influencer with over 87,000 followers on Instagram! She’s a good friend of mine and has always been super supportive of my work. She has dear friends that have experienced betrayal trauma in the worst way - very public and devastating.
Her passion and Instagram account are all about the Enneagram. On her podcast, I’ll be sharing my experience as a therapist - working with Betrayal Trauma. I’m an Enneagram 7 (the enthusiast). Enneagram 7s often avoid pain. I completely recognize this in myself and fight to feel my own feelings.
With you - I want to dive right into the pain with you. I really do. I know the way out is to go through the pain. When I created the Video Series, I had images of past clients in my mind. I spoke right to them. Most of the videos were just one take. It’s not super slick, but it’s authentic.
More than anything, I don’t want anyone to have to go through it alone. I know I can’t actually be with you in the flesh - but maybe you’ll feel me a little in the Video Series.
For those of you that are preparing to be with family for Thanksgiving - I really hope you can find little moments of peace. I hope you can breathe, feel comfort from a friend and hang on to any glimpse of “I’m not alone in this pain” that you can find.
I’ll leave you with this - Jackie asked me to write a post intersecting the Enneagram and the clinical work that I do. Here’s what I came up with:
“If you’ve studied the enneagram, you know the root of our numbers are embedded in relational pain. We hurt in relationships and we heal in relationships. What that looks like is different for each number. Kelly Bourque is an expert in relationships. She helps couples heal from relationship injuries. Here’s what she’s noticed in her office:
Enneagram 1 - Seek information in order to fix. This number is very skilled at ‘google.’
Enneagram 2 - Flip flops between angry and hopeful. The anger or the hope is often contingent on their partner owning their behavior.
Enneagram 3 - Comes to session with a notebook and pen. This person is very upset when they learn they can’t achieve in therapy.
Enneagram 4 - Lost in sadness, has a hard time nailing down a specific trigger when asked.
Enneagram 5 - This one wants to understand the process you’re using. Give them the therapeutic map, and they’ll open up.
Enneagram 6 - A little compassion goes a long way with this one. Being in therapy is scary, but not being in therapy is scary.
Enneagram 7 - Tells a joke to avoid the pain or gets squirmy in the chair.
Enneagram 8 - Tests the therapist a bit, but then is “all in” once the therapist shows they can handle the heat.
Enneagram 9 - Quick to give “the right answer” or might speak in riddles. Anything to make the therapist and their partner feel good about the work.”
If you’re feeling alone, you need support! I created the video series I mentioned above just for you. 37 videos and journal prompts - all here to validate your pain and help to make sense of your responses from a neuroscience perspective. This series is on sale! $297 NOW $97.